Smack Dab Reality. Pow.

I've already blogged today.

And then I did it.

I flipped the calendar to July. And I broke down sobbing.

Now your death has occurred-but it was "last month." Your handwriting  records just a few birthdays and commitments on our calendar. Next month there will be 30 more days since you have been gone. Pretty soon I will be saying my husband died six months ago, a year ago, five years ago.

This is just not acceptable.

I was not ready to say goodbye. And neither were you.

I know you are safe and loved...and you will live forever in my heart.

But dammit...I want you back. All of you, not just the memory. Right here. In July.