Sunday, July 28, 2013

Stairway To Heaven

If you grew up in the 1960's and 1970's as I did, you would know the group called Led Zeppelin. Most of their music was too "acid rock" for my taste, but everybody pretty much loved the song, "Stairway To Heaven." I'm pretty sure it was the theme for one of my proms in high school.

It's been six weeks today. 42 days.

 And if there really was a stairway to heaven Glennee..this is what I would climb up and tell you.

In the words of Sally Fields, " They liked you, they really liked you!" You gave off a confident air, but I knew that underneath that  air was a person amazed when someone liked you and befriended you. You didn't trust too many people because of past hurts. I have tried to tell those whom you did trust and love, just what they meant to you.   The things that have been shared with me about you? You would be so humbled.  And people really miss you. A lot. You are so not forgotten by family or by our friends.

Thanks for teaching me so much. Most of the times the lessons were due to your physical limitations, but so far I've changed the furnace and fridge filters(I know...you kept meaning to do it), knew who to call to have the septic pumped, and had two bonfires. I have to tell you I got overwhelmed trying to clean up your work benches and shop. That was never my territory.  By the way, did you ever throw anything away out there? I don't think so. And we have another dead tree.

Our van is sitting neglected at the dealership...probably until they figure out what to do with it. I avoid driving past it because it makes me sad.

Dr. Freeman told me when I took Momo in to see him on Friday that he knew for sure  that I couldn't have saved you that night. He also told me that you wouldn't want me to struggle with the thought that I could have done something differently. My head knows that. Hopefully someday my heart will catch up.

I used to tell you that I could have written the words to Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me.  
I used to give you the lyrics on a regular basis. I'm doing okay. Even a little better than that. Because you loved me. How lucky and blessed was I?

Know that I keep trying to live everyday with the joy of life-the joie de vivre- that you so embraced and witnessed. My mom has a picture of you on our old pontoon with your arms spread wide and a big smile; she says that it is how she likes to remember you, because that is who you were. 

So now I'll walk back down the stairway to this life-you stay there.
 I understand where you are in a way limited by my own mortality, but I know it brings me peace to know you are free, happy and loved. And I hear you and feel your presence everyday. Stay with me.

Someday I will ascend the stairway and join you.

Until then, know that you live on in my heart, and in the hearts of so many.