I have come to expect the unexpected. Sometimes it is grief at experiencing the familiar alone. Yesterday I went to watch Glenn's grandson in a hockey tournament. We saw the same team last spring at the same arena, and I remarked to Lynn that it felt strange to climb the stairs to the ice, rather than wait for the elevator as Glenn needed to do because of his joint replacements. My legs felt sad and heavy climbing those stairs alone. It was unexpected to feel grief over the simple act of being able to climb the stairs without having to find the elevator.
The other day it was a fascinating surprise as my dear friend who never professes to be a person of faith, shared with me a vision of sorts that she had coming out of anesthetic. In it, she was to pass along a message to me that outlined the reasons we landed in Brainerd, and what Glenn's purpose was in bringing us here. I think it amazed even her a bit, and although she later tried to explain it away, it was too rich and detailed for it to have been from her "reptilian" brain. Comfort from unexpected places.
Tonight I had great fun with lots of familiar faces at a fund raiser for our fantastic library. It was a chance to rub shoulders with some fairly famous authors who happen to live in Minnesota. :). Remember- I have a t-shirt that says,"Authors are My Rock Stars." Yes. It it a nerdy English teacher thing. I admit it. Anyway, as I was mingling, I saw an old acquaintance. No one I knew terribly well, but we have many mutual friends. Her husband died two years ago under similar circumstances. Finally I heard the words I needed to hear. She told me that my path will not be worse or better, just different. That if I concentrated every day on finding joy, and giving joy, and making a difference, that I will be okay. And that I should not let anyone dictate the way in which I need to grieve. She also said something that stuck with me: that it is not only the loss of a loved one, but it is also the loss of your dreams. Yes! Lately I have felt so sorry at all that Glenn is missing with our family and friends, and all that we still wanted to do together. Her words gave me strength and hope and comfort in an unexpected place.
Expecting the unexpected.