I finally believe I couldn't have saved him. Finally.
When I got that book, I couldn't understand the title...how there could be anything, even remotely magical about what I was going through, I couldn't grasp.
Almost immediately however , I started viewing everything in my life from a heightened awareness. Relationships were more precious, breathing became something I had to relearn, and when I did, I felt life flow through my blood again.
I started exploring higher realms of spirituality that are less than conventional; and being open to it all as part of the big mystery. Magical.
I know that Glenn has visited me often. My proof is not something I want to put out there, because it is MY truth and that's enough. I don't wish to have logic applied to it. And I know as I heal, he visits me less and less often. As it should be. We each have a new journey. Magical.
It is through this magical thinking , that I would like to offer a collective apology, as it were, to all the people in grocery stores, shopping alone that I have looked at and through all these years. In my heightened awareness today I reflected on how going shopping for food is one of the loneliest experiences I have in my life now. All around me are families with children, or couples, asking "Honey? Do we need eggs?" Nobody but me knows that answer in my home anymore. I buy one sweet potato, the smallest container of cream for my coffee, even though I still have some, and a deli- chicken, because cooking just isn't in me tonight. I hate it. And yet, I must eat.
Now before all of you blessed people who love me send me emails wondering if I'm okay, please know that I am fine. More than fine. There is a flip side to "one". For the first time-ever- I am responsible only for myself. I do what I want, with whom I want, when I want. I can finally say, guilt-free, that I am truly my own woman and I know that Glenn wouldn't have wanted any less for me, since he truly helped me,finally, love myself.
Even when I choke up at the grocery store..it's magical thinking.
On the journey.