Monday, September 9, 2013

The Journey continued...

Lately I can really relate to the posters we have all seen that say, "It's not the destination, it's the journey." This is quite a journey.
Last week was harder than I thought. Even though I am in my 11th year of teaching, it felt like I was starting a new job. Hard to explain, but it was almost surreal. So familiar, yet so strange. By Friday night I was exhausted. It has now been 12 weeks. 

For some reason during the week,  I was able to find a place of increased peace. It came from this. I realized that at 69, Glenn was too young by today's standards to die. But he had lived a very full life and he left this earth at peace with God and loved by me. He didn't suffer. I thought we would have ten more years together, at least. But I still wouldn't have been ready to let him go ten years from now. And I came to see, that after watching three of our parents suffer terribly from the ravages of advanced old age, I was feeling at peace that he was able to live big and leave quickly. That is not to say that I don't replay that fated night over and again. Time will heal that scenario,  I hope. 
Last week, our dear friend Jim came and organized the garage. I am comtinually amazed and humbled. This weekend, Rianna's sister Ariel, her fiancée Devin, Chris and Rianna came and gave me an HGTV makeover for the great room. I saw that stuff I was used to looking at was out of date. It was cathartic to start purging. With just a few changes, I got a fresh look and now every time I come into the room, it makes me smile. During the day, friends stopped over to view the transformation. It was such a happy day for me ; full of new beginnings. One of the best I've had in twelve weeks.
So today I went back to work feeling much more solid. And yet, at about 10:30, I started to email Glenn a good morning text, to say hi. It caught me way off guard, that my conscious mind could be one place, and yet subconsciously I am still operating from old habits and routines. Wow.

The journey continues.